Floating Through

I’m still processing my Grandmom’s death. I asked my therapist yesterday, “How long does the sadness last?” He said, “The funeral was on Friday… well… it will last a while longer…” So, I float. I miss her. There has been a lot of missing in my life. But this one is bigger… the first chapter among many I’m sure will follow in the great missings of my life. Writing has helped the most, so I have been writing and writing. Memories pile onto memories until it seems the room is filled with them. All of them spark joy… and sadness…

The Same Apartment

I went to Wisconsin to work on a new project, and I’m staying in the same apartment we stayed in when we brought our baby home from the hospital last fall. We didn’t quite bring her HOME home. We brought our days-old baby here, to this apartment. This is the apartment above our surrogacy agency. Two days before our baby girl was born, we drove four hours, arrived here, brought our bags upstairs. We set up a pack-n-play, put our baby’s bassinet in it and folded a paper thin receiving blanket with cameras on it, draping it over the side….

About a Cat Fight – My Sister and Me

Last night I hid in the bathroom with the baby. I could hear my husband underneath the floor, and from the sounds I could hear, I was able to imagine him there in our basement, defending our small cat from the larger one, the howling felines, the scrambling, clawing sounds of a cat fight. I started to feel tears welling up, standing there on the cold tile with my five month old in my arms. Our cats are five years old. They are sweet, cuddly. They love new people. They spend almost every night curled up on the couch with…

From Tiny Cells to Singing

We’re about to hit five months! Our Baby Girl is about to be FIVE MONTHS OLD. Just over a year ago she was a microscopic group of cells in a freezer. Now she’s singing at the dinner table. How is she different now at five months than at 4, 3, 2 or 1? Well, now she has hair. You can’t see it in photos or from a distance. She still has most of the brown hair she was born with, but that brown hair has spread out as her head has grown so that now she is sporting that baby…