The Same Apartment

I went to Wisconsin to work on a new project, and I’m staying in the same apartment we stayed in when we brought our baby home from the hospital last fall. We didn’t quite bring her HOME home. We brought our days-old baby here, to this apartment. This is the apartment above our surrogacy agency. Two days before our baby girl was born, we drove four hours, arrived here, brought our bags upstairs. We set up a pack-n-play, put our baby’s bassinet in it and folded a paper thin receiving blanket with cameras on it, draping it over the side….

Staying Afloat in a Tough Week

So, it’s been a tough week. Here are my spiritual bouys, a few things that are keeping me afloat: -Our day school for our baby girl has been so flexible with us, offering more hours to help us deal with the raging cats. Seeing our baby girl happy at every drop off, especially in this great weather, has been a soul-healing balm. This morning I sat her in the outdoor stroller next to her baby friend. They touched each other’s faces. My girl looked up at me and smiled. -I’ve been working on new spiritual rituals at home. Update: the…

About a Cat Fight – My Sister and Me

Last night I hid in the bathroom with the baby. I could hear my husband underneath the floor, and from the sounds I could hear, I was able to imagine him there in our basement, defending our small cat from the larger one, the howling felines, the scrambling, clawing sounds of a cat fight. I started to feel tears welling up, standing there on the cold tile with my five month old in my arms. Our cats are five years old. They are sweet, cuddly. They love new people. They spend almost every night curled up on the couch with…

My First Birthday as a Dad

Today, I’m older. There is a lot more grey in my beard, and the white is advancing. I’m noticing it now in my bangs, though it mostly blends in with my blond hair. My shoulder seems to catch when I’m lifting something above my head. I’m older. I think I’m the hottest I’ve ever been. I can say that now, right? I’m not sure what anyone else thinks about how good looking I am, and, frankly, I’m not sure I care, which makes me feel even sexier. My husband tells me how handsome I look every day. What praise is…

From Tiny Cells to Singing

We’re about to hit five months! Our Baby Girl is about to be FIVE MONTHS OLD. Just over a year ago she was a microscopic group of cells in a freezer. Now she’s singing at the dinner table. How is she different now at five months than at 4, 3, 2 or 1? Well, now she has hair. You can’t see it in photos or from a distance. She still has most of the brown hair she was born with, but that brown hair has spread out as her head has grown so that now she is sporting that baby…