I Didn’t Know I Was This In Love

I didn’t know I was this in love with my husband. I know that sounds ludicrous. We’ve been married for a while. Together nearly seven years. But my god, love is strange. It’s bigger than I expected. If you can think of my little gay heart as a house, I feel like I’m on a home makeover show, and someone redid the rooms while I was gone and added a huge expansion. In fact, I think my HUSBAND did the renovation. And I’m still a little shocked, to be honest.

I hand her the pears. She holds it, feels the weight. It's a pear," I say, a bit slowly..."

An Alien at a Grocery Store

I love grocery shopping. I didn’t always. Marriage changed that. My mom told me that in the first years of my parent’s marriage, their favorite activity was heading to the grocery store, shopping together. They were college kids then; they had no extra spending money. It’s amazing how aisles and aisles of food can ignite your imagination, your hope for the future, the ideas of new possibilities right around the corner.  ‘Honey, look at these avocados!’ I imagine my mom saying to my dad with my older brother sitting in the front of the grocery cart. ‘Wouldn’t guacamole be amazing?!’…

Floating Through

I’m still processing my Grandmom’s death. I asked my therapist yesterday, “How long does the sadness last?” He said, “The funeral was on Friday… well… it will last a while longer…” So, I float. I miss her. There has been a lot of missing in my life. But this one is bigger… the first chapter among many I’m sure will follow in the great missings of my life. Writing has helped the most, so I have been writing and writing. Memories pile onto memories until it seems the room is filled with them. All of them spark joy… and sadness…