clunky

I’m here with minutes before work starts thinking about diving into all the details that this Monday holds. Details. So many of them. And my mind does not often seem equipped.

You know, it’s hard to move to a new state. Very hard. New banks, new license plates, new cell phone service, new apartment, no furniture, no friends, no clue… about anything. Where is the nearest gas station? Where do I go to find toilet paper? Where did I leave my brain?

I had to get photos done for a new passport. The receptionist, right before she snapped the photo, told me that I need a haircut. A haircut?! Thank you for that nugget of wisdom which I will now carry around with me for the next ten years. Any advice on where to find a barber?

I have been staying with a couple people from work. This is humbling, moving to a new city, having your new landlord push back your move in date, having to ask your barely-not-strangers coworkers if you can sleep on their couches. A couple of them kindly welcomed me into their homes. One in particular let me stay for three nights. On the afternoon after the third we both left work, and seeing her walking to her apartment I called out a salutation, which included calling her BY THE WRONG NAME. I literally shouted a wrong name at her from across the parking lot. “Did you just call me ‘Angela’?” she said. Yes. Yes, I had.

Don’t get me wrong. There is a lot of excitement to be had in all of this New-Place Adventure. I have already been to gallery openings and concerts. I have ideas on ideas on ideas about plays and city bike rides and winter wonderlandness that keep building.

Currently, however, my life feels absolutely clunky. I move forward on one task only to find I’ve forgotten another. I call a new friend a wrong name. I miss every exit, make every wrong turn. I’m just clunking around the city, a Texan in the great white north about to get lost in the first snow drift.

11 Comments

  1. Moving IS clunky – that’s the perfect word for it. It’s awkward and inconvenient and crazy-making and lonely.

    But it’s also one of the few times when everything feels chock-full of potential.

    Excited for all that the hinterlands of the north hold for you and your story!

    (Also: what is a chock?)

  2. Haha! ‘Chock’ so says the dictionary could either be related to the 15th century word for ‘cheek’ or from an old french word for ‘collide’. I think moving is related to both. As in things keep slapping me in the face. With potential, I mean, with potential. (Staying positive! :D ) Thanks for the encouragement, Hoot!

  3. Best of luck!

    Remember how many HUGE transitions you’ve been through in mere months. You have (as I’m sure the PC prepped you for?) some re-entry shock to face, and I doubt you’re done with that. You had created such lovely, intimate relationships in Armenia…and now have to start all over again in a culture that still values money over people.

  4. Oh… straight to the heart, Broadside! But so true. As a culture, even with the best meaning friends, Money wins over people. A bold statement, but one I think needs to be discussed, with changes to be made. And thank you for recognizing the transitions, so many, that I’ve been through this year. It’s so encouraging to hear that. Thanks.

  5. can i just tell you how in love i am with today’s post? you are brimming with so much hope and enthusiasm, it is lovely and refreshing to read.

    as bilbo baggins said, “it’s a dangerous business walking out your front door…” but it’s also so exciting and you make it all the more enjoyable with your joy for everyday.

  6. Lan, that is so kind! I love that Bilbo Baggins quote!!!!! I’m putting it up in my office, and it’s all because of you! Thanks for the inspiration and the encouragement.

  7. I know that feeling so well…the clunkiness and the brimming-with-potential and the head-spinning craziness of it all.

    It is a dangerous business going out your door – but, as Tolkien also noted, “not all those who wander are lost” – and I can’t wait to see where your new wanderings take you.

  8. Despite all of that klunkidiklunk you are writing really well! Lucid…humorous…honest…accessible…

    1. Z! I love ya! Thanks for the put-ups. And thanks for the word ‘klunkidiklunk’.

  9. That is hilarious about you calling her by the wrong name! I literally laughed out loud!

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